my day

[hstama2]

Violent clouds

fill dawns sky

Not a ray of sun

can survive

life is what

life is

remember

all of us have

to cope

with

it's

ups

and

downs.

A cloak of black velvet

demolishes

the depressing clouds

with a

single

star

reminding us

life is

what life

is

sometimes you have to

do things

you don't want to.

***********************************

It's pretty suckish.

I just felt like writing a poem.

Tell me what you think

 

[ilovekuchipa555]

It's not perfect, but I can't do that.

 

[Tamagirl_Desy]

Has potential, but work on it a bit more.

I don't fully understand it.

 

[tamtamkitty07]

I like it, but try to put more information on each line instead of

writing it

like

this

I know you're trying to go for a more spoken word effect, but it's just not working here.

But I like your choice of adjectives.