Rate the Joke above!

shop deals on amazon
Shop deals on ebay
Advertise with us
TamaTalk

Help Support TamaTalk:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.
Status
Not open for further replies.
S

Smallquailrooster

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 23, 2008
Messages
269
Reaction score
0
Location
Sydney, NSW, Australia
I couldn't find one of these, but please do not flame me if there is one.

And don't just rate on how funny it is, you can rate it on how clever, or original it is. And please try to do different ones every time!

PS: Yo Momma jokes allowed, as long as theyre not too rude.

And please no jokes that could be offensive to any race or religion.

Right now, I cant think of anything, so the person below me start :eek:

 
UHHH...>_<

heres one:

Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put his boots on?

He asked for help and she could see why. With her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn't want to go on. When the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost whimpered when the little boy said,

"Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked, and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on - this time on the right feet.

He then announced, "These aren't my boots." She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to do. Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off.

He then said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear them." She didn't know if she should laugh or cry. She than mustered up the grace to wrestle the boots onto his feet again.

She said, "Now, where are your mittens?" He said,

"I stuffed them in the toes of my boots..."

 
hahaa its good :lol: 9/10

I can't think of anything, so I just take some from this dumb joke book :lol:

lol..

Why did the girl eat yeast and shoe polish for breakfast?

Because she wanted to rise and shine.

 
::Snort::

Nice. 7/10.

Ok...

Once there were three bears. They had gone out for a walk in the woods to let their porridge cool. When they came back, the realized that something had happened.

"Someone's been eating my porridge, and it's gone!" Squeaked Baby bear.

"Someone's been eating my porridge, and it's gone, too!" Said Mother bear.

"BURP!" Said Father bear.

 
7/10 =D

* ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE:

Warning keep out of children.

* ON A HAIR DRYER:

Do not use while sleeping.

* ON A BAG OF FRITOS:

You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

* ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP:

Directions: Use like regular soap.

* ON A FROZEN DINNER:

Serving suggestion: Defrost.

* ON A HOTEL-PROVIDED SHOWER CAP:

Fits one head.

* ON TESCO''S TIRAMISU DESERT:

Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)

* ON MARKS & SPENCER BREAD PUDDING:

Product will be hot after heating.

* ON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON:

Do not iron clothes on body.

* ON BOOTS CHILDRENS'' COUGH MEDICINE:

Do not drive car or operate machinery.

* ON NYTOL (A SLEEP AID):

Warning: may cause drowsiness.

* ON A STRING OF CHINESE MADE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS:

For indoor or outdoor use only.

* ON A JAPANESE FOOD PROCESSOR:

Not to be used for the other use.

* ON SAINSBURY''S PEANUTS:

Warning: contains nuts.

* ON AN AMERICAN AIRLINES PACKET OF NUTS:

Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

* ON A SWEDISH CHAINSAW:

Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
Printed on the bottom of the box... LOL :) 8/10 (though it wasn't quite a joke)

Once a man in Tennessee went on a business trip to California to attend a very important meeting. On the first night of the trip, he stopped at a hotel by the street. He managed to rent a luxury room for a very low price, and was quite pleased with himself until he met the maid who had just finished cleaning the room next door. She gave him a look out of her wild, crazed eyes and said "There be ghosts about this place. Ghosts, ya hear? Get out while ya can!" He ignored her and went inside and watched TV until it was very late at night. Yawning, he went into the bathroom to get ready for bed. As he looked at the mirror, he remembered what the lady had said. Then, quite suddenly, he heard a haunting voice: "When this log rolls over we will all be dead..." Frightened and startled, he looked around, and heard it again: "When this log rolls over we will all be dead..." He started running for the hallway, when he tripped and fell out the large window on the side of his bed and landed in the pool.

Had he looked in the toilet bowl, he would have seen 3 ants perched on a matchstick that was floating in the water, chanting "When this log rolls over we will all be dead..."

 
6/10

lol nice

A parent's terrors of life

Dear Mother and Dad:

It has now been three months since I left for college. I have been remiss in writing and am very sorry for my thoughtlessness in not having written before. I will bring you up to date now, but before you read on, please sit down. You are not to read any further unless you are sitting down... Okay?

Well, then, I am getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture and the concussion I got when I jumped out of the window of my dormitory when it caught fire shortly after my arrival, are pretty well healed now. I only spent two weeks in the hospital and now I can see almost normally and only get three headaches a day.

Fortunately the fire in the dormitory and my jump were witnessed by an attendant at the gas station near the dorm and he was the one who called the Fire Department and the ambulance. He also visited me at the hospital, and since I had nowhere to live because of the burnt-out dorm, he was kind enough to invite me to share his apartment with him. It's really a basement room, but it is kind of cute. He is a very fine boy and we have fallen deeply in love and are planning to get married. We haven't set the exact date yet, but it will be before my pregnancy begins to show.

Yes, Mother and Dad, I am pregnant. I know how much you are looking forward to being grandparents and I know you will welcome the baby and give it the same love and devotion and tender care you gave me when I was a child. The reason for the delay in our marriage is that my boyfriend has some minor infection which prevents us from passing our premarital blood tests and I carelessly caught it from him. This will soon clear up with the penicillin injections I am now taking daily.

I know you will welcome him into our family with open arms. He is kind and although not well educated, he is ambtious. Although he is of a different race and religion than ours, I know you expressed tolerence will not permit you to be bothered by the fact that his skin color is somewhat darker than ours. I am sure you will love him as I do. His family background is good, too for I am told that his father is an important gunbearer in the village in Africa from which he comes.

Now that I have brought you up to date, I want to tell you that there was no dormitory fire, I did not have a concussion or skull fracture, I was not in the hospital, I am not pregnant, I am not engaged, I do not have syphillis and there is no boyfriend in my life. However, I am getting a "D" in History and an "F" in Science, and I wanted you to see these marks in the proper perspective.

Your loving daughter,

Dorothy

 
6/10 it's good, but not that funny.

Okay, a guy walks into a bar and there's nobody there except for the barman. He sits down at the counter and sighs happily.

"It's so good that its so empty and quiet in here." He says, smiling.

"I'll have the usual."

"Your hair looks great." Says a mysterious voice.

"Hey, who said that?" Said the guy. The barman shrugs.

"That shirt really suits you." Says the voice, again.

"Who IS that?!" Says the guy. The barman shrugs again.

"You have amazing eyes." Says the voice, again.

"WHO IS THAT? Look, if you're playing a trick on me, ha, ha, it's very funny. Now stop it." Says the guy. "I'm not doing anything!" Said the barman, confused.

Then he looks at a small bowl sitting on the counter, filled with peanuts.

"Oh, it's these." He said.

"You what? It's the peanuts?!" Says the guy in disbelief.

"Yeah, they're complementary peanuts." He says, sliding the bowl across the counter towards him.

"You're very smart!" Says one to the barman.

He pops one in his mouth.

"You have lovely breath!"

 
7/10 cool!

My bro got this out a joke book he just told me it now!

A: Knock knock

B: Whos there?

A: Cows go

B: Cows go who?

A: No silly! cows go moo not who!

xD

 
6/10

Um...This one's random, and kind of rude.

There was an RAF helicopter flying over a city. They were overloaded so they threw out two guns and a bomb. So they landed at the airport then went into the city and saw a little girl crying so they went up to her and asked her what was wrong and she replied, "Some body shot my dog!" so they moved on and saw a little boy crying and they asked him what was wrong and he said, "Some body shot my cat!" so they moved on again then saw another little boy but he wasn't crying he was in fits of laughter. They asked him what was so funny and he said, "I farted and my house blew up!"

In case you don't get it, the bomb landed in his house and when he farted it set it off but he thought it was just the fart that blew it up.

 
no joke

A: You know what, I'm a Vegetarian.

B: I'm a Vegetarian too

A: I'm a Vegetarian because I love animals

B I'm a Vegetarian because I hate plants

 
2/10

What do Fench people say when they curse?

Pardon mon anglais!(pardon my English)

 
Last edited by a moderator:
2/10

Okay, when u read this, keep in mind that parrots copy things that people say :eek:

K, theres a pirate ship floating on the sea, and the crew and captain, and of course, the captians parrot.

One day they hit a rock, and the ship begins to crack in half. and its just about to sink and the ship is nearly 2 halves, and the captain says:

"If this crack gets any bigger, I'm doomed, I'm doomed!"

And it did.

But the parrot flew away.

And soon enough, he found an island. He flew in the window of the fist house he saw, and the girl there thought he was her own parrot who was being naughty.

So she threw him in the toilet. And he couldn't get out.

Later, the girl had to go #2.

She forgot the parrot was in the toilet. And just as she was going, the parrot screamed

"IF THIS CRACK GETS ANY BIGGER IM DOOMED! IM DOOMED!"

 
4/10

Okay.A guy is at a party and he is eating(remember)

This other dude comes up to him and says,"say no to crack".

This dudes butt crack is showing.

Dude a:I said say no to crack!

Dude b:I did!

Dude a:But I still see it.

Dude A vomits.

 
6.9999/10 nice job... :D

 

Four men are on a fishing trip when a discussion about their sons comes up. They are all bragging about how perfect their sons are and arguing about who's is the best.

"My son lives in a mansion, he is a car dealership owner. Clearly, my son is the best." says the first.

"Well my lives on a lake, he sells houses. Obviously thiss makes my son perfect." Says the second.

"Well my son is very successful, he owns a yacht company. So my son is definetely better than both of yours. He is perfect."

Then the fourth man begins to speak, "To be honest, my son is not doing so well. He is a hairdresser, and he is gay. But luckily in his past 3 relationships his boyfriends gave him a car, a house, and a boat."

 

(best I had, I really will not be offended :lol: )

 
Last edited by a moderator:
Status
Not open for further replies.

Latest posts

Back
Top