Secret Holiday

[Ryuk`]

~ Prologue ~

Reva Dalby admired her reflection in the glass counter top. Only two weeks till Christmas, she thought, smoothing the eye shadow on her left eyelid with her little finger, then adjusting her wavy red hair.

Shoppers crowded the aisles of the brightly lit department store. The Christmas carols jangling out over the loudspeakers were nearly drowned out by the steady roar of voices, of shuffling feet, of ringing phones, crying babies, the whole electric buzz and whir of all large department stores at holiday time.

Reva leaned against the glass perfume counter, ignoring the blur of customers, her purple nails clicking against the glass, a nervous habit she rather enjoyed. She glanced up at the clock. Another hour until lunchtime, when she could escape from her narrow, noisy prison cell.

What am I doing here, anyway? Reva asked herself, tapping her nails more rapidly against the glass. Why did I ever agree to take this job.

Her cold blue eyes focused on the makeup counter across the aisle, where two salesgirls, blond model types, had scurried to wait on a dumpy woman in a stained, purple trench-coat, carrying two brown bags.

How tacky, Reva though scornfully. That woman is beyond makeup. She should go straight to plastic surgery.

And look at the bleach job on the one over there. Or is her hair naturally green?

Reva snickered. Making fun of the customers was the only thing that got her through the day. They were all so pitiful. They didn't have a clue.

She glanced up at the clock It hadn't moved. I could be out enjoying my Saturday, Reva thought. She rubbed the back of her neck, then pushed her hair into place.

Why do they have to keep it two-hundred degrees in here? She wondered shaking her head. I'm gonna have to talk to Daddy about turning down the heat, she decided.

She was started by a tap on her shoulder. She spun around to see Arlene Smith, or Ms.Smith as she liked to be called, the sales manager for the perfume department, and Reva's boss. She was a short, frail woman who though she was chic and trendy because she wore men's suits.

Yuck. Those tacky shoulder pads! Thought Reva. Is she going to try out for fullback for the Bears?

"Reva, do you have an earache?" Ms. Smith asked, her face wrinkled with concern.

Reva lowered her hands from her ears. "No, it's that song," She explained. "If you hear it once, it stays in your head all day and rots in your brain."

"Well, I really don't think-" Ms. Smith started to scold.

But Reva interrupted her. "It's the rum-tum-tums," she said.

"I mean, really how many of those can you take?"

Ms. Smith ignored the question. "Reva, I'll take the floor for awhile. The Chanel recorder just came in. I was wondering if you could stack some perfume bottles in the storage room?"

"Gee, I can't," Reva said, not sounding at all sorry.

"I just did my nails this morning."

"What?!" Ms. Smith was mad.

"You heard me."

Ms. Smith almost fainted.

"This really is enough!" She glared at Reva, and spun around on her men's wingtips, stormed down the aisle, heading toward the Main Office.

 

Two more customers later, Reva decided to adjust her makeup. Reva took out her lipstick from the drawer, pulled off the top, and twisted the tube. She turned toward the counter top mirror so that she could see herself better. She puckered her lips in a pout, and begin spreading the magenta lipstick on them.

It took a second for the pain to register.

The she screamed and dropped the lipstick.

Her lips throbbed with pain.

She turned toward the mirror to see blood pouring down here chin.

I'm cut.

I'm bleeding.

What has happened here?

Pressing a wad of tissues toward her mouth, she saw large drips on blood on the countertop.

She picked up the lipstick and examined it.

There was a needle. Poking out from the center of the tube.

Somebody put that needle in her lipstick.

But who? Who would do such a vicious thing to her?

-------------

Chapter one will come soon. Give me your thoughts! :3

 

[kuchikid]

NICE!

 

[Goggle-Face]

You know what? This is one of the better stories I've seen posted on this site.

It flows nicely, and it's not full of glaring errors. I really like this. It's long enough for a prolouge, which is good! I don't need to go off in a rant this time~! -pride-

Now, comments;

I suggest not making it bold. Just space it out from your oepning/ending posts. Also, space it out. I had a hard time reading this because it was so clumped together. Also, you don't need to add a new line every sentence. Making new lines for new sentences are usually used for 'shock value'. To add emphasis on something dramatic. Overusing it could just come across as a writing style, and the drama loses a bit of meaning.

Second, this was moving just a bit too fast. Don't worry about the length, just describe a bit more. Describe how Reva was surprised someone tried to kill her. Better yet, describe what kind of woman she is. She must be important if she is trying to be killed by something in a 'sneaky' way, with cutting her on her insides. That is an 'assassination' kind of murder, where the killer isn't seen; instead of being stabbed to death in public, where the victim sees their killer. This makes sense, right?

Other than those minor faults, this seems like an enjoyable read. I say continue.

 

[Ryuk`]

Thanks, Claire. Your advice should help me. I'm almost done with chapter one now!

 

[Ryuk`]

~Chapter One~

Two weeks earlier

[SIZE=8pt]Without warning Reva pulled the Volvo over to the curb and cut the headlights. She turned quickly toward the passenger side and watched Hank's face fill with surprise.[/SIZE]

"Hey-" His brown eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"What's the big idea?"

She studied his face as if seeing him for the first time. His hair blond, short, and spiky. He had large, dark, serious eyes. He wore a diamond stud in one ear. He had a thick football player's neck. He was big, broad-chested, with powerful arms.

Hank thinks he's tough, Reva thought. I hope for his sake that he is.

She's been going out with Hank Davis for more than six months, but studying him now, he seemed a stranger to her. He's not my type at all, she thought. He's so crude. so coarse. Why did I waste so much time going out with him?

"Reva, how come you parked the car?" he asked.

I guess he was just a phase I was going through, Reva thought.

Or rather a phase I went through. She gripped the wheel with both hands and stretched. She had parked under a streetlight, the yellow light filling the windshield, making Hank's hair appear white, his skin unnaturally pale.

Beyond the streetlight she could only see bare-limbed trees, bending and twisting in a swift, wintry breeze. She must have pulled over near a small park or some woods. She wasn't sure where she was.

It didn't really matter.

'We have to talk," she said, keeping her voice low. It sounded so cornball. This whole thing was cornball, Reva thought. She decided to play it out for it's amusement value.

"Talk? What about?" he asked, rubbing his face with his hand.

"Us," she said, making her voice sound dramatic, trying to sound as if she was holding back a flood of emotion.

For some reason he grinned at her. "I like that topic," he said leaning in to kiss her.

She pulled back. Her features tightened, and she fixed him with a cold stare. " I've decided you and I are through," she said.

Mercilessly she kept her eyes on his features. She wanted to enjoy his reaction.

A shock wave of surprise contorted his face. "Huh?"

I guess I surprised him, Reva thought, feeling pleased. I just hope he doesn't make a big deal out of this.

Suddenly apprehensive, she felt the same sense of danger that had attracted her to Hank in the first place. He was a nice guy most of the time, she had to admit- warm, caring, kind of innocent in a way. But she liked the angry side of him too. Once, he's punched his arm through a screen door because he refused to go to a dumb movie with her.

She had surprised herself by discovering how much she enjoyed watching Hank explode. Opposites attract, they say, and Hank was certainly her opposite. She was always calm, so controlled.

"Hey, what are you talking about?" Hank asked, rubbing the shoulder of her coat. "You mad at me or something?"

"I wished you'd stop pawing me," Reva snapped. "No, I'm not mad at you or something. We've just had enough. It's over.

What if Hank decides to get violent?

"Let's not make a big deal out of this."

"But it is a big deal- to ME," he insisted.

Reva laughed. She glanced at the clock: 8:00. She had to pick up her dad in half an hour. He owned all the Dalby Department stores and worked until late. She unlocked the car doors and motioned for Hank to get out.

"Goodbye. I'd like to start of the New year with somebody a bit more interesting."

Hank got out.

"You'll be sorry, Reva."

"Oh, don't be so dramatic." she laughed again and drove off.

~~~~~~~~~

I'll finish it later, sorry I'm really tired.

 

[Ryuk`]

(continued)

 

Reva pulled up outside of her dad's department store. He works so late, Reva thought. He's barely ever home. She sighed and made her way into the bright, red department store. I hate Christmas so much, Reva thought grimly. She brushed back her short, blonde hair as she stepped inside. There were two floors at Dalby's. Her father's office was located on the second. She made her way up the spiral staircase leading to the second floor. She was careful not to trip as she was wearing her brand-new pair of sexy, red stilettos. When she made it to the top of the stairs she took a look around. The second floor was dark and a bit scary as everyone had headed home. Light was creeping though the crack under her father's office door. She heard the shuffling of feet and a gruff man shout, " You'll pay for this! I hope you know that I have nobody else to turn to. Where am I supposed to get a job during the holiday season?! Huh? Yep, you don't have an answer for that do you? You greedy little shxt!" The door slammed open and a tall, bearded man in a suit stepped out. He gave Reva a brief look of surprise, then rocketed down the stairs and out the front door of the story.

 

A few seconds later, Reva decided to step into her father's office. She walked in and saw him at his desk. His face was buried in his hands. He looked up when Reva said hi.

 

" Oh, hello, Reva. Come to pick me up?" he grabbed his suitcase and followed Reva out of the store. Reva told her father how her day was but decided not to mention the shouting man in his office. Maybe he didn't want to talk about it.

 

(( To be continued ))