What have I gotten myself into..?

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Tamagirl_Desy

Tamagirl_Desy

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I've been really into this guy for the past month or so... and we just started dating. We had only hung out once before we started dating, and we had a lot of fun. I know I should have gotten to know him better, but it was Valentines day and he asked me out... so I said yes. We hung out again yesterday at the movies... and he took things a little too far. He wouldn't stop making out with me when I told him to stop, and kept making inappropriate moves on me. We were in PUBLIC, so I felt a little weird. I told him to stop, but he said, "Come on baby.." and kept going. I ended up leaving early, telling him I felt sick. Now, I'm a bit confused.

I felt very uncomfortable with him last night, which I hadn't felt the first time... and I don't know, I just feel kind of frightened by him. He tells me how he has a "violent side", and that he beats up guys when they get him mad. He also tends to get very moody when I talk to him, and gets mad when I tell him I'm going to a friends house or something.

I'd feel horrible ending the relationship so soon, since we JUST started dating.

And he keeps telling me how much he loves me and he wants me "forever",

and that if we broke up he'd start cutting himself again or do something even worse.

So I feel sort of trapped. |:

I do like him, I really do... I'm just not ready to commit myself. But he doesn't understand that.

Is there anything I can do to get out of this mess?

 
If you're not comfortable with it, and you told him to stop, then I would break up with him. In the nicest way possible. Or maybe have a 'break'?

Try talking to him. I mean, not like, to get yourself out of the relationship, but really talk to him. If he beats guys up and used to/still does cut himself, obviously something's wrong.. Be there for him, but put your foot down if he starts doing anything you're not comfortable with. Maybe try and hint you're not ready for anything serious, but at the same time, you like him a lot..?

I'm sorry if this wasn't any help. ]:

 
^ I agree.

If you really talk to him, I'm sure he won't get mad if he loves you as much as he says he does.

 
yeah, talking is the best thing to do really. maybe tell him you want to take things slower? it's not right to yourself to be in a relationship which you're not totally comfortable with. maybe go out somewhere and get to know each other more? it might help. if he loves you like he says, he'd let you take things slower and sort stuff out.

hope this was any use too you xD

 
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It sounds like he's forcing you to do stuff with him, and that's not someone you want to be with. You asked him to stop, and he didn't. It kind of seems like he's using you, and threatening to hurt himself so you wont end the relationship.

As said above, sit down and tal to him. Make sure he understands that you're not ready for commitment yet, and if you could slow things down, but also make sure he understands that you like him.

Yes, I'm not very good with advice, but that's how I feel

 
.... So I feel sort of trapped. |:I do like him, I really do... I'm just not ready to commit myself. But he doesn't understand that.

Is there anything I can do to get out of this mess?
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I agree with Beth.

The thing you can do to get out of this mess is to stop seeing him.

No matter how much you like him, from what you say he did on your date and what you say he is like, it's pretty obvious that he doesn't respect you.

If you are with someone who you say kind of frightens you, then listen to your natural instincts, don't let him make you unhappy and get trapped into a relationship like that.

Don't forget, he's not the only guy for you.

Even if it means waiting a while longer to find another guy who you're comfortable being with, that's got to be better.

 
Tell him how you feel. Communication is key, and that's the only way you'll ever figure things out.

 
That's really strange, tbh. I think you need to talk to him first. Be assertive. Tell him exactly how you feel. If he still doesn't respect you after that, then I think it's time for you to end the relationship.

 
Relationships, for the most part, are supposed to be fun, especially when you're young. If you aren't getting anything out of it, then why are you in it?

Don't worry about hurting his feelings. He obviously doesn't respect yours. And it's not fair to him for you to draw things out if you're not happy about the relationship. Honesty is the best policy with these kinds of things.

If you keep this thing going, you're just going to fall deeper and deeper and it's only going to get worse. Explain to him that you're not comfortable with his behavior and you think you should stop seeing each other.

Don't worry about him threatening to hurt himself. First of all, that's his problem, not yours. And I'm also skeptical that he'd even begin hurting himself at all - he could easily just be saying that to threaten you and keep a hold on what he thinks he has.

As TM said, trust your instincts. If this guy isn't good for you, he isn't good for you, and that's okay. If you wait it out, someone better will come along. Trust me, I know this first hand.

I hope this all works out for you Desy.

 
In addition to what others have said, I'd be very concerned about his "violent side". He sounds like he could be a control freak as well.

 
The people above me have said all the most important bits.

 

I've been in that exact situation too, and I was unsure whether to take the plunge and get rid of him, or stick it out to see if things would get any better. I decided to dump him, and I'm so glad I did. We were only dating for a short time and things could have gotten SO much worse if I'd left it. :/

 

 

 

My advice is to take the plunge and get rid of him as soon as you can. Once you do it, you'll feel so relieved.

 
To be honest, he sounds like an attention seeking player. Get out while you still can. I've seen these signs before and I can assure you they're not good.

 
If he says he'll cut himself or possibly kill himself if you stop seeing him, tell him you'll call 911 because that's really the only thing that you can do.

And tell him that you're a bit uncomfortable. Say things like "I didn't feel comfortable when you did that" or whatever.

And yes, get out while you can.

 
Tell him you're pressuring him, and if he really loved you, he'd stop until you are ready. Hopefully he will understand. If not, just break up with him. You don't need him if he's going to be that way.

Tamachick1200

*TMEdit: Please try to remember to check the date of the last reply posted and Avoid Topic Bumping ;) Thanks!

*closed*

 
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