A poem I wrote

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mimichi7

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A poem that I wrote...

----------------------------

LEAVE ME;

You can leave me here,

here to cry.

Leave me here,

in this greyish sky.

I'll waste away,

so leave me here to die.

I'll waste away,

and hten you'll sigh.

You can leave me here,

to waste away,

waste away under this greyish sky,

where I'll be scared,

where I'll want to leave.

If you leave me here,

I'll start to cry.

But, why would you,

leave me here? Why.

You can leave me here,

here to cry.

Leave me here,

under this bluish sky?

It's getting brighter,

now red,

now yellow...

Now black.

You're gone now?

Are you leaving me,

here to die?

To die under this now black sky.

-------------------------

I wrote this peom and it only took me 15 minutes, during LA class because I was bored.

My teacher thinks poetry comes too easily to me and marks me harder. :p

But the truth is,

when I have strong feelings towards someone or something (in this case the guy I love) poetry comes very easily to me...^ _ ^

Hope you liked my poem.

Please posst your comments what you liked and dissliked.

I would like to know what you liked so I know what I did good on.

And know what you dissliked to know how I can improve.

Thanks...

//mimichi7 :D

 
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Eh, I'm not a big poetry fan myself. :/

I don't like how it's hopeless- after you put all your hope on one guy.

Just not my type.

 
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Hey he's the only guy friend I have I have a major crush on him...

And he left me, at least until april22nd.

Thanks for the nice comments.

No, I am not gothic, it makes me depressed to think that I won't see him until april22nd for 5 hours then not until early november...

and

I MISS HIM!!

 
A poem that I wrote...
----------------------------

LEAVE ME;

You can leave me here,

here to cry.

Leave me here,

in this greyish sky.

I'll waste away,

so leave me here to die.

I'll waste away,

and hten you'll sigh.

You can leave me here,

to waste away,

waste away under this greyish sky,

where I'll be scared,

where I'll want to leave.

If you leave me here,

I'll start to cry.

But, why would you,

leave me here? Why.

You can leave me here,

here to cry.

Leave me here,

under this bluish sky?

It's getting brighter,

now red,

now yellow...

Now black.

You're gone now?

Are you leaving me,

here to die?

To die under this now black sky.

-------------------------

I wrote this peom and it only took me 15 minutes, during LA class because I was bored.

My teacher thinks poetry comes too easily to me and marks me harder. :p

But the truth is,

when I have strong feelings towards someone or something (in this case the guy I love) poetry comes very easily to me...^ _ ^

Hope you liked my poem.

Please posst your comments what you liked and dissliked.

I would like to know what you liked so I know what I did good on.

And know what you dissliked to know how I can improve.

Thanks...

//mimichi7 :D
Click to expand...
wow o my

 

that was so good

 

wow

 

props to u

 

wow thats all i can say

 

wonderful

 

wow

 

i loved it !! nuthing to improve it

 

wow

 
Eh, I'm not a big poetry fan myself. :/I don't like how it's hopeless- after you put all your hope on one guy.

Just not my type.
Click to expand...
mimichi7 dont listen to her/him !!

s/he dosent like it because s/he doesent like poerty!!

[SIZE=21pt]it waz alsome !![/SIZE]

 
wow o my  

that was so good

 

wow

 

props to u

 

wow thats all i can say

 

wonderful

 

wow

 

i loved it !! nuthing to improve it

 

wow
Click to expand...
Your a poet and you didn't even know it!

lol :p

 
This poem is awesome!

 

If I had to rate it, I would give it a 1000000000000/10!

 

~*SakuraUchiha*~

 
I think it was ok.

Could have used a couple of more dramtic words.....and maybe not having such a long chorus. The chorus seems to outrun the whole song.

What I really think you need to work on is the beat of your poetry. I didn't get a sense from much beat.

Overall, it was fine. :p I used to write poems like your all the time, but I've learned alot of things from expierence.

Love, Tgd

 
This poem is awesome! 

If I had to rate it, I would give it a 1000000000000/10!

 

~*SakuraUchiha*~
Click to expand...
Thanks, my frineds all gave it 10/10 because I wouldn't let them go any higher.

THey all thought it was depressing... :p

And, one of my friends Allison, said she would bring a bos that said DEPRESSED on it and boy did I freak on her, and this grade 8er only one grade ahead of me thinks I'm emo, I even showed her my wrists which have no cuts on them and she still calls me emo.

Pre-emo is just very emothional. I would be pre emo and a lot of others would be aswell.

 
I think it was ok.Could have used a couple of more dramtic words.....and maybe not having such a long chorus. The chorus seems to outrun the whole song.

What I really think you need to work on is the beat of your poetry. I didn't get a sense from much beat.

Overall, it was fine. :p I used to write poems like your all the time, but I've learned alot of things from expierence.

Love, Tgd
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Thanks, by the way it's not a song you said it was a song.

A free verse poem doesn't have need to have a specific beat, and my peom is a free verse.

 
Thanks, by the way it's not a song you said it was a song.A free verse poem doesn't have need to have a specific beat, and my peom is a free verse.
Click to expand...
Sorry. :mellow: I meant poem. I was refering to song cauz I was just watching American Idol so my compelte attention isn't on typing today. xDD Poem...poem....yes...poem.

Still, in my opinion poem needs beat. Also, your word choice for some of the verses wasn't what I would have chosen but it's your poem and I think you should keep up the good work! ^-^

Love, Tgd

 
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Thanks, I'm only in grade 7 at the age of 12 so I am doing to good according to my teacher he even gave an automatic 100% on 3 poems Iwas supposed to write while I was in Mexico in February and I'm the best poet in the class and got only one question qrong on my poetry test. That was a question of a poem I missed the rules of while I was in Mexico.

 
[SIZE=21pt]This is such a good poem and u put a lot of thought into it You should write a poem book !!![/SIZE]

Reply back ASAP!!

-mam112194[/color]

 
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<span style='font-family:Courier'>[SIZE=21pt]This is such a good poem and u put a lot of thought into it You should write a poem book !!![/SIZE]Reply back ASAP!!

-mam112194[/color]

</span>
Click to expand...
Thanks a lot. :)

 
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