A poem I wrote

[mimichi7]

I know a lot of places that have poetry contests! you should enter one!!
PS. [SIZE=14pt]I LOVE YOUR POEM!! ITS REALLY GOOD!! [/SIZE]

thanks

 

[GotchiGirl96]

It was alright.

Nothing special.

Just to give you a little constructive criticism, watch your repetition. You repeated phrases a lot. And also be careful of the words you use for rhyming as they sometimes take away from the feel of the poem if you choose the wrong ones. Add something different and if you can, more clever and "feelable" rhyming words. If you had done that then I think you could make a really great poem. I write poems a lot and I'm not excellent at it, but I once wrote a really good poem called "Stars" but I don't know where the notebook that it's written it is located. All and all, your poem was just ok to me.

 

[mimichi7]

It was alright.Nothing special.

Just to give you a little constructive criticism, watch your repetition. You repeated phrases a lot. And also be careful of the words you use for rhyming as they sometimes take away from the feel of the poem if you choose the wrong ones. Add something different and if you can, more clever and "feelable" rhyming words. If you had done that then I think you could make a really great poem. I write poems a lot and I'm not excellent at it, but I once wrote a really good poem called "Stars" but I don't know where the notebook that it's written it is located. All and all, your poem was just ok to me.

Thanks for the advice, I'll try to remember your help next time, and maybe fix this one up a bit.

 

[{P}ink {P}earlz]

Eh, I'm not a big poetry fan myself. :/I don't like how it's hopeless- after you put all your hope on one guy.

Just not my type.

Haha, you read my mind.

-pp

 

[mimichi7]

Haha, you read my mind.
-pp

Grrrrrr, could you at least say something nice?

Or I said if you were gonna say what you didn't like to say how I could improve on it!

And peeps I'm only 12 yrs, in gr.7.!!! DON'T PRESSURE ME!!!please....

 

[mimichi7]

Ummm, I have another poem now;

MY WORLD

It's black and dark,

obviously.

Why would you want to live here?

There's places I'm happy,

and others, just not.

Why would you want to live here?

There's pain and annoyance,

and people are starving.

This world is full of poverty.

Wars and fights, it's neverendless.

This world is scary.

There is things in this world,

that could stay the say they are,

and others, just need to be changed!

Murder and others, maybe someone that smothers.

Why would you want to live here?

It's mad it behaves,

like nothing else.

So,

why would you want to live here?